Sexual Energy in Your Relationship
What the heck is sexual energy?
Let’s start with what it’s not … sexual energy has nothing to do with not being able to get an erection or just not having the energy to have sex after a long day of work. When you are not able to have an erection, it is called impotence, and not having the desire to have sex is called loss of libido (lack of sexual desire). Your sexual energy is something much different; it is not the lack of physical energy but more the the idea of harnessing your mental interest into sexual activity.
Just like the physical body develops fatigue, so does the brain and in most relationships, sexual energy starts to decline. In general, fatigue and low sex drive may be associated with too little or too much exercise, poor diet, lack of sleep or hormonal changes, loss of mental energy (often due to loss of physical attraction in your relationship). Couples may develop a loss of sexual energy for other reasons (see below).
What causes a decline in your sexual energy?
The exact cause of why the sexual chemistry starts to wear off is not known but there are many trigger factors which include the following:
Stress
The novelty of a new relationship has worn off
One partner is cheating
Work-related issues
Lack of trust and honesty in the relationship
Sex is the same old thing with very little spontaneity
Holding on to past negatives
Constantly having a negative state of mind
Being in a relationship that is draining
Without the sexual energy, the drive for sex in the bedroom suffers. But it is the overall lack of emotional connection between two people that is the major cause of loss of sexual energy.
Does sexual chemistry guarantee an active sex life in a marriage?
Sexual energy almost always guarantees an active sex life in marriage. When couples spend years and decades together, it’s your sexual energy that continues to build a physical relationship. To continue this guarantee, it takes effort to actively think about sex, incorporate sex and sexual ideas into your daily life, AND hold each other accountable in the relationship. Remember, sex energy is built from different encounters, mind-games, teasing, touching and visuals. All these components develop the creative energy required to fuel steamy sexual relations.
Can too much sexual energy cause infidelity or masturbation?
There is a myth being perpetuated that too much sexual energy causes infidelity. This is false. There are many causes of infidelity and just because one has high sexual energy does not mean it will always lead to infidelity. However, it's worth noting that couples should focus on finding compatibility in their sexual energy levels and expectations. For example, if one partner has high sexual energy and the other partner is not always keen to join him or her in bed - this can compel the partner with high sexual energy to seek an outside relationship.
So, how do you manage this? Open communication is always best. Your sex is only as good as both of you want it to be. Sexual energies between two people should complement each other and provide excitement, not concern. The goal is just to keep it spicy, keep it explorative, and find a way to have consistent energy for new sexual experiences.
It's also important to discuss what to do if a partner has the need for constant stimulation, which cannot always be satisfied by his/her mate. For example, for some couples, when sexual compatibility is not achieved, a man may have stronger sexual urges and require multiple ejaculations per day; while his counterpart is fulfilled by one sexual experience per day. This self-pleasure can be seen as a negative. However, we believe that there are different levels of sexual drives and even though yours might be different than your partner's, it doesn't have to be frowned upon. Masturbation allows couples to enjoy different types of orgasms. Self-love can also be used during sex for play and tease with your partner. Additionally, you can utilize masturbation to create a build up to sex that is coming later. You can challenge your partner to engage in tantric sex and breath work to increase the pleasure of your sex, while engaging his mind in sexual activity without instant ejaculation. If you want to get really creative, you can also talk to your partner about abstaining altogether. This is another great way to build up the energy and connection.
The idea is that you get to decide how you want to harness your energy together.
Long term effects of charged sexual energy
What many people do not realize is that the benefits of positive sexual energy go beyond the bedroom. Not only does it make sex hot and truly gratifying, it also has many other enduring benefits.
Decreased stress: Being in a positive committed long-term relationship has been associated with low stress and more happiness. When both partners are content and show emotional support for each other, this acts as a buffer against all types of stress. In general, people who sexually connected are much happier than individuals who fail to connect. When you know that there is someone who loves you, even if he or she is not there, this can provide mental clarity and inner peace.
Faster healing: When you have a partner that supports you physically and mentally, it also helps with the healing. Energized people tend to recover faster from conflicts and in fact, tend to heal faster after all types of traumas including surgery. More importantly, positive mental energy also helps lower the intensity of pain from whatever cause.
Improved lifestyle: When couples have a healthy sexual relationship, it also leads to an improved overall lifestyle. These individuals tend to eat healthy, workout more, avoid smoking and overconsumption of alcohol, and surround themselves with people with similar habits.
Contentment: When two people are sexually energized, they tend to be happier than people who are not in a similar position. They tend to look at the lighter side of life, have less stress, jovial dispositions, and a positive outlook on life. There is a clear self-awareness the develops, providing new value to everyday life.
Keep your sexual energy fresh
If you’re one of the millions of couples facing decreased sexual energy, it’s time to cowboy up and start exploring some new territory. Our tips below can help you find the energy you’ve been missing in your relationship.
Stop making excuses about your time. There’s always a reason to opt-out of sex and time is usually right at the top of the list. Instead, find the reason to opt-in. Whatever you must do to rearrange your schedule or just skip altogether in your day, is exactly how you find the time and energy to devote to your partner.
Mess up your schedule. Sexual chemistry thrives on spontaneity, so use it. Don’t fall into a rut and don’t get boring. It’s called “energy” for a reason.
Use visuals. We all have an innate reaction to visual elements. When you play on those elements, you can instantly revive energy and chemistry. Look at your wardrobe and see what you can do to create some newfound interest.
Touch and touch again. The more we interact and engage, the higher our energy becomes. Use this to your advantage.
Get out. Energy thrives in places where others are present, so don’t stay in the house. Find new restaurants and lounges or host a party. Turn on music and dance around. Do whatever it takes to flirt and be present with others. And you don’t even need to talk to others, just being around more people will increase energy and keep you awake for future pleasure.
Sexual chemistry and sexual energy work together to create an amazing sex life. But it’s crucial for each couple to keep it going and invest the time in each other. There are many other components that also help create a lavish sexual connection. When combined, fireworks are guaranteed.
All of this plays a role in your overall sexual health, so don't disregard the important aspects of sexual pleasure. When given the right attention, it will have a life force all of its own that will draw you together and give you what you're missing.