11 Steps to Fix Your Boring Sex Life
Question: Is your sex life boring?
If you answered “yes,” we’re glad you’re here. You’ve heard it time and time again … relationships eventually lose the spark, so it’s normal for sex to become boring.
But is it in fact, “normal?” We will confidently tell you that it doesn’t have to be normal for you.
Sex is like anything else in our lives – we get out of it what we put in. If you’re willing to put in the effort and if it’s important to you, there’s no reason sex can't continue to be one of the most valuable parts of your life. In fact, continuing to have not just an active Sex Life, but more importantly great sex, will provide your relationship with a physical and emotional connection that can’t be replaced by anything else.
What makes you settle?
Honestly, anything and everything.
You could say it’s everything you lack … passion, time, trust, communication, interest; or you could place blame on your partner; or you could take a moment to evaluate why YOU aren’t having the sex you want. That is the best place to start. If you take the excuses away, what is the real reason you’ve settled into a monogamous relationship with boring sex?
It’s a tough question. I remember a time in my life when I had to answer it too. My answer was simple … I wasn’t in love anymore. What's yours?
The truth is, you have the exact sex life you’ve built, but as time progresses, that perfect structure might need some hefty renovations. You're here because now you're tired of settling and your expectations have changed. The target for sexual satisfaction has moved from good sex to great sex, and adjustments must be made. When all you've built begins to crumble, it might be time to strengthen the foundation.
Let's start here ... how to combat boring sex
No couple should settle for boring sex; there are several ways to bring back the spark. But remember, sexual activity requires the active participation of both partners. Read on for tips to revive a boring sex life:
Be assertive and take the lead.
Someone must take the initiative and revive the sexual relationship. Leave your ego behind and stop the blame game. Do the things you did when you first met. You do not have to be formal but be free to do what will excite both of you. There are no rules – just participate.
Reserve one day each week for a sex date.
As you get older, spontaneity can diminish. Our lives have become busier than ever and often sex is not a priority. Let us be clear, we absolutely spontaneity in your Sex Life, but if you can't do that, you must reserve at least one day of the week for a sex date; this does not mean going out, it means spending intimate time with your partner. You can test a new sex position in your backyard, under the stars or bring a new sex toy into the bedroom. Whatever it is, one day a week is a starting point to ensure you have intimate time together. From there, increase teh frequency. Like anything, the more you do it, the more each of you will want to.
What turns you on?
What many couples do not realize is that when one partner reveals what turns him/her on, the other partner will usually be more than happy to play along. When you’re trying to breathe new life into your sexual activities, you must get real about what you want to make it exciting. For example, a man may want to have hot sex in the pool, a woman may want to role play as a seductress, and both may want to fantasize about a threesome. It doesn’t matter, just explore together.
It does not have to be intercourse all the time.
The important thing to remember when reviving your boring sex life is that it does not always have to end with sexual intercourse. Boring sex is the effect of many factors, such as less kissing, foreplay, oral sex and mutual masturbation. When all aspects are addressed and attended to, you’re able to truly move past boring sex. Understand that all sexual relations can be utilized to get out of a rut.
Take a sex vacation.
There are thousands of adult resorts catered to fulfilling multiple fantasies and helping you set new orgasm records. Sometimes a change of scenery is just what you need. Whether it’s nude bathing, couple's parties, or nude massages; being in a place tailored your every sexual desire, is certain to end any trailing thought of boring sex. If money is a concern, then create the same experience in your bedroom. Create a sexy and erotic atmosphere- install mirrors, play the right music, dim the lights and watch a porn that turns you on.
Send a sex message.
To put your partner in the mood, be spontaneous and send an erotic message to him or her at work. Then add a dirty image or video. With the right text, your partner will plunge into erotic anticipation, dying to get home to you. The key is to be provocative and seductive. Use texts to tease and keep your partner guessing.
Relive your past sex adventures.
One of the ways to sexually connect is to relive your past sexual ventures. Take some time out on a Saturday night, open a bottle of your favorite wine, and discuss what you liked and what turned you on. Communicate openly and tell your partner what you would like to have done, where you want to be touched and how you want to be pleasured. Your sexual memories are a great way spice things up and turn on your partner.
Say “I love you.”
Most couples who are in a long-term relationship often forget to say, “I love you.” Do not take your partner for granted because most people like to hear the words ‘love’ and ‘appreciate.’ Make your partner feel wanted, loved, safe and secure. Remind the partner that he or she is sexy and beautiful. To increase your sexual relationship, you also must create an emotional connection; the more your partner trusts you, the more likely it is that he or she will engage in a robust sexual relationship.
Create a sex bucket list.
When sex gets boring, prepare a sex bucket list. Each of you should create your own, and then swap the lists with your partner. Do something that both of you want in order to create more excitement. Then continue to fulfill each other’s fantasies … over and over.
Share your sexual desires.
Utilizing good communication skills (verbal and nonverbal) will help you empower your sex life. Communicate to your partner about your needs and wants. Try something new, something you have never done before.
Watch porn together.
If you want to relieve sexual boredom in the bedroom, start watching porn together. We can learn a lot from porn, not to mention, it creates an easy transition from talking about sex to having sex. It's also great stimulation to help increase your sex drive. When you watch others getting pleasure, you're likely to want the same. Utilize it.
Boring sex is just a transition. If you see it as that, you can fix it. Don’t be shy – talk to your partner and figure out how you can overcome the bedroom boredom together. If you're having trouble communicating effectively, seek out a sex therapist. They can help break down walls to create stronger communication. This can improve your overall sexual health and decrease the stress that you may feel during these intimate conversations.
Every couple is unique, and every couple can build the sex life they want. All you need to do is start the discussion and use our tips to keep moving forward. It can be as simple as some new positions, or maybe you desire some extra kink. Whatever both of you need, you can find together.
If you need some ideas, check out Erotism to learn more about what you can do to light the fire in your relationship.
And remember, sex is easier than you think. If you’re feeling this way, your partner probably is too. Jump in and make it fun. Start with some cuddling and closeness, then move to the vibrator! From there, do whatever it takes to feel the rush and get the orgasm. We know you’ll be glad you did.