How I Keep My Husband Sexually Satisfied
Defining ‘Sexual Satisfaction’
Disclaimers:
Every man is different, every relationship is different, and every sexual menu is different. Also, I should be clear that this is about how I learned to keep my husband sexually satisfied. Sorry ladies – this round is about him, not us. Total bummer … I know 😉
Real or fluff?
Let’s start with the fluff … countless experts would tell you that sexual satisfaction is all about “communication.” Well, I’m here to tell you it's not fluff – it's true. But not in the way you may think. In my house, communication is everything from discussions about the kids, to asking my man where he wants his blow job. We tend to believe that communication is only verbal, but what about all the other ways we communicate without ever speaking a word? That’s where sexual satisfaction thrives.
For instance, while I am very vocal in bed, I don’t have to be. My man knows when I’m having an orgasm even if I don’t make a sound. It’s the way my body moves, the vibration of my thighs, the movement of my hips and the expression on my face.
And just like me, he doesn’t have to say a word when I walk through the door. I can tell by the look in his eye, that he’s ready to take me – right then and right there.
Verbal communication only gets us so far and then you better be able to have hot sex face to face, never saying a word, knowing for certain exactly when your man is getting off. That’s where you connect, that is the utopia only you and him know.
For my husband and I, this utopia is where we have discovered our greatest pleasures and darkest desires. It's where I learned how to keep my husband sexually satisfied. It has pushed me and pulled me, challenged me, and brought me to thoughts I never knew I could have. It's kept us in sync, terminated arguments, and constantly reminded us that our love is off the effing charts!!
And yet, even being connected in these moments, feeling all this love and passion, I know my world is not settled. That's because this is just a moment, and keeping your husband sexually satisfied is a lifestyle. It's something to commit to with complete dedication. It might sound crazy (damn near impossible), but there's no other way to do it.
For most men, it's about a constant turn on, the urge to set your Sex Life ablaze, the need to stay in the mood, and the endless teasing that continues to provide the best sex you've ever had. It's often a moving target that requires lingerie, role play, sex toys, foreplay, and of course, intense love making.
So, ladies, buckle up, because keeping your man sexually satisfied is no small task. However, it is perhaps one of the most rewarding. And don't get me wrong, your needs matter too. It's just not what we're addressing here. There are many factors that build a thriving sexual long-term relationship and keeping your man satisfied is just one of them. It's also one that women don't always understand, which is why we're focusing on it. Creating a powerful Sex Life must come from both of you, yet we recognize that men often lead the charge in this arena. It's more primal than anything, but also, it's intertwined with the female upbringing, cultural expectations and restrictions.
Getting to this charismatic bond is one thing but making it last is another. Let's break it down. We'll start with uncovering his sexual needs and desires.
What does he need?
I think the biggest challenge I faced with my husband was learning exactly what he needed. This is a discovery phase for women, and it can be tricky. You're trying to uncover more than just the basic sex positions that your husband enjoys. You're looking for his sexual desires, the things that make your husband truly satisfied.
To get started, I thought back to the first time my husband and I had sex, the passion that flowed through our veins, our increased heart rates, and the complete exploration of a new experience. In that moment, I know my husband was sexually satisfied. But like I said, that's just one time. Every day since then, there must be more, and it seems I have been on a never-ending quest to find 'more.'
If you are also venturing on this quest, below are some questions to help. I answered these questions as I slowly started to discover the right direction toward pleasing my husband. It's different for all, so don't put pressure on matching your sexual life to that of anyone else. Any answer is correct, but it must be honest. If you fail to be honest, you will never know how to keep your husband sexually satisfied. And in that case, we encourage to stop reading because this won't help you. However, if you're ready to dive into the truth, then let's get started ...
Does your husband prefer short sex sessions or long?
This helps you understand where your effort should be. As women, our schedules are tight – we don't have time to mess around. Keeping our men satisfied is serious business, so ladies, make the best use of your time. If he prefers a few quick pumps, then great! You can squeeze that in anytime. A quickie before work, at lunch or before bed creates tons of spontaneity and lustful thinking all through the day. If you and your man are into it, go with it. But, if he wants an hour or more, you must make time. No excuses.
This isn't about complicating your already busy life; it's about prioritizing his needs to fulfill your life together. In return, he will do the same. You have different sexual needs, and the more he sees you meeting his, the more he will want to please you. Whether it's different positions or trying role play, understanding the time requirements for what he deems as a gratifying experience, helps you determine what you can do and how you can do it.
Does your husband enjoy foreplay?
If your man jumps to sex and really just wants intercourse, you can make certain that every position is available for his pleasure. You can twist and turn or flip upside down to give him the best sex of his life. Stretching will become your new best friend and pilates could be extremely helpful, as well. Actively changing positions is also a great way to keep your relationship out of a sexual position rut that could have both of you bored out of your minds. Plus, learning and mastering new positions means that you could have many more options for where you have sex. Sometimes you have limited space, or strange space, to work with. All that matter is that you know how to use it.
If he really enjoys foreplay, and perhaps even gets off watching you orgasm, then be thoughtful about your approach to sex. This can include everything from a cuddle on the couch, to an erotic tease that not only gets him hard but keeps him hard. This intensity will ultimately lead your husband to a mind-blowing orgasm. Foreplay is a great way to explore erogenous zones that you didn't even know existed. As you discover these, your connection in bed will build, and so will your desire for more. Also think about things like masturbation to show each other exactly what you like. This is a powerful method of foreplay that can increase your stimulation and build up for dirty sex.
*Note: This question was particularly important for me to understand the full picture of how to keep my husband sexually satisfied.
Who initiates sex most of the time?
Do not sugar coat this answer. If it’s you – you better spice it up more and get in the game before he checks out. Men should always initiate sex more. They are primal, testosterone driven, sexually motivated creatures. I always get worried when a friend tells me she's the only person who initiates sex. From my point of view, that's a serious problem. There should be something (or many things) that draw your husband to you; something that really keeps his interest and brings him back time and time again. If you're always initiating sex as the female, I would guess that your husband isn't turned on, he thinks you don't enjoy it, or he believes you'll turn him down. None of these are good, so change your ways, quickly.
If it’s him – that's perfect! He should always want you in every way. But this also opens the door for you to surprise him with some sexual play of your own. Let him continue to initiate sex, but also create something unique for him. You can increase physical intimacy with new sex toys, bold lingerie, or a surprise blowjob right when your man starts the sex session. Remember, your husband will never be shy about starting sex, but you're involved too. Both of you need to participate, share ideas, and experience new sexual adventures together. Doing so, will encourage him to keep initiating (which is exactly what you want).
When does your husband like sex?
Many of you will say that your husband likes sex all the time. That answer is ok, but I encourage you to dig deeper, because most men have a preferred time for sex. It’s the time when they a. need the release, b. feel they are at their best to participate or c. it’s habitual for their level of desire. There is often a preferred time to have sex, followed by an acceptable time, and then a feasible time. This is why questions one and two are so important. Those answers must be understood when considering what time of day your husband most desires sex. It allows you to create the experience, just as he wants it. And of course, the goal is the cater to his preferred time, even if you're exhausted. I know that sounds bad, but once you answer this, you can most likely rearrange your schedule a bit to oblige.
If the answer to this question complicates the scenario, it doesn't matter. You're still trying to figure out the recipe for keeping your husband satisfied. As I mentioned, it's not easy.
Does your husband complain or mention things he’s not getting?
Pay attention. If your husband is dissatisfied – you'll know. And again, that may not come in a verbal form of communication. You’ll know because he’s complaining, or he stopped complaining because you weren’t listening, or his eyes wander when you’re out in public, or there’s porn on his computer, or he has terminated all sexual conversations because he’s masturbating.
If he stopped complaining, yet he's exhibiting one of our other callouts, your job just got harder. Now you must figure out exactly what it is that he's not getting. Before you get too worried, just step back for a moment. If you can remember anything from previous conversations, that's great. It will certainly set you down the right path. However, if you can't, it's best to start reviewing what your sex life has consisted of thus far. For example, if you know you wear lingerie often or perhaps you give an amazing blowjob with an intense build up to sex, then you can cross those off your list. You're looking for the things you don't do, haven't done in a while, or perhaps haven't explored in your sexual life yet. Think about your conversations, even if they weren't sexually explicit. Often, hints are verbalized in everyday discussions, you just have to figure it out.
Also, those girls he checks out when you're in public, what are they doing, how to they look, what can you learn?
Then when you do figure out what he's not getting – take note.
How often do you give him oral sex?
Again … don’t lie to yourself. If you don’t like giving oral sex to your husband, this is going to be a tough conversation. Oral sex is a must. Men love oral sex and denying it will only cause a divide in your mental and physical intimacy. This isn't always something women want to read or hear from friends. However, I am honest, and I know it's crucial. In fact, it's crucial to give oral sex as a mutually exclusive act. It should be performed during a long sex session, as a quickie, and as a surprise. If you are unwilling to do this, please talk to your husband. Being transparent will help and you may find other ways to provide this pleasure, especially with the help of sex toys. Oh yes, toys have come a long way, and some are made specifically for this act.
If you are giving it – well done! Now … how often are you getting on your knees? And no, the question is not a joke. If you don't mind or truly enjoy giving a great blowjob, it's important to consider how often you're doing it. As with sexual intercourse, there's a rhythm that should be established to meet your man's needs. It can't be once a month or even once a week. Ask yourself what he truly enjoys and wants. My guess would be multiple times a week.
How often do you have sex AND how often does he want sex?
This is the big question. How often do you strip your clothes off and straddle over your husband, how often do you let him bend you over the couch, how often do you grab him when you wake up in the morning? You want his mind going all day - thinking of you in every position and devouring every piece of your body.
There's a lot you can do once you compare how often you're having sex to how often he really wants sex. Everyone is different, but again, I would guess that your husband wants sex multiple times a week. If you've settled into a once-a-week schedule, it's probably not ideal. While there are times we may have an off week, your general calendar should probably consist of a lot more sex sessions - just sayin.
Now let’s compile the data. If you’ve answered these questions honestly, you should be on a good path to figuring out just what he needs. This is the same process I used when learning how to keep my husband sexually satisfied, so if you were honest and answered all the questions, you should walk away with a strong understanding of your husband's sexual needs.
Here’s what I learned
You didn’t think we did all that for nothing – did you? It’s time to review the answers. Here's what I learned from my husband:
Long sessions
Loves foreplay
He initiates sex most of the time
Wants sex all the time (mostly at night)
He doesn’t get enough sex, or enough mind games with sex, and wants it dirtier
Multiple times a week, maybe 3-6 … my husband loves oral sex
5-6 days a week
Something new
It’s time for something new, and it’s easier than you might think. Here are my core takeaways:
Long sessions are a must, quickies are enjoyed, but should be limited
Let him keep initiating – he should always want me 😊
BUT make certain to initiate a couple times a week, so he knows that my interest is only with him
Sex anytime and anywhere - we need more time for what he likes, so nights are perfect
Dirty sex is required 6-7 days a week
Oral should always be given, especially for stress-relief and when time is short
Pretty simple – right? Sure … maybe.
But there are two key elements to make this work:
You must pay attention to find the weaknesses and make the right changes. All of this is a bust if you don't implement the findings and education.
You must communicate the changes. This isn’t a verbal conversation, it’s a physical and emotional one. It’s the connection with your man, the devotion to his happiness and sexual gratification. If you struggle, it’s only temporary. The more you do – the more you do. Just start.
Now, let me be transparent, there is a little more to this. I'll explain. When it comes to your man's sexual desires and needs, it's complicated. What I mean is, you can crack the code and figure out how to proceed differently, but even when you do, change is inevitable. I know my husband will continue to change over time, so he will always keep me on my toes. I also know that what I found during this process will certainly work for now. However, it could all flip upside-down six months into the future. His schedule could change, his moods could shift, his desires could amplify. And as these changes take place, I will experience my own. Like I said, it's a moving target. Sometimes the bullseye is easy and other times, you might need to jump through fire doing a flip while you're aiming.
One thing I've learned, as time progresses, is that these are easy questions to ask yourself on a regular basis. It's not a set it and forget it approach. And there's actually something pretty great about continuing to evolve with each other sexually. For me, learning how to satisfy my husband has been rewarding, even when it's challenging. I think there's something to the connection that comes with putting the pieces together. It's fun and invigorating. It's also empowering to know that sex can continue to get better and more exciting, especially since I'm controlling so much of it. With that in mind, this quest for determining the methodology for my husband's sexual satisfaction has become easier and enjoyable.
In fact, I think I might send him on a quest to figure out how to keep me sexually satisfied. That is the next level here. 😉
I'll end by saying that you can define “sexual satisfaction” anyway you’d like. At the end of the day, it’s just what makes you both feel good. Now I know what makes him feel good and I understand how to keep my husband sexually satisfied – and let me tell you - that victory is so sweet.