In a world focused on physical attraction - Your Looks DO Matter
Ladies ... you’ve had the conversation with your friends … you’ve probably even said, “He’s so nice” or “He has a big heart.” But let’s be honest … in the back of your mind, you’re really thinking, ‘I wish he lost some weight’ or ‘I wish he dressed better.’
Let’s pause right here. If you’re feeling bad – DON'T. He’s thinking the same about you. And if that hurts your feelings – Don't let it.
Let's talk about this … do looks matter?
It may sound shallow, we know - but no matter how hard you try to deny it, your looks DO matter to the opposite sex. Whether you’re a man or woman, we all notice attractive people and that initial attraction starts with physical appearance. If you think you’re above it, the truth is, you’re not.
It could be argued that physical attraction is a thoughtful process that involves varying levels of cognitive thinking and assessment, based on long-term goals and interactions. We, however, would argue that mate selection is far less evolved. It comes from our primal brain, which is 95% driven by visual cues. It’s instinctual and active … it doesn’t wait or lack decisiveness. In fact, we even have television shows based on this exact premise. Overcoming the primal focus on physical attributes to see something deeper within a potential mate, is getting harder every year. That's because it is primal, and we can't control our initial reactions to physical appearance. So, instead of feeding you crazy ideas that you can just skip over this element, we're going to actually discuss why it's vital to your relationship and what can happen if you don't have it.
The importance of physical attraction stems from the beginning of time. It is responsible for lengthy eye gazes, one-night stands, hook ups in public bathrooms and even lifelong fulfilling relationships with one romantic partner. No matter how you slice it, physical attraction is real, and it isn't going away.
But how exactly do you define your physical attraction? Well, you don’t. It’s a moving target for you and your partner, as needs change and your relationship progresses. It’s certainly not a one-size fits all approach, nor is the attraction the same for each person. It’s more defined by who you are and how your partner sees you. Don't get this confused with romantic attraction. Also, bear in mind that while we may have some socially accepted ideas of beauty, physical attraction also pertains to sexual desirability, which is different for everyone.
So, what happens when physical attraction fades and over time, and you start daydreaming about other people? Exactly how important are your looks, and why does physical attraction have such a large impact on your seemingly great relationship?
Like we said, there's a lot at stake.
The more you understand, the better you'll be able to drive this part of your relationship, ensuring that your eyes don't wander, and neither do your partner's. And this is all pretty basic, but often forgotten as relationships progress and change over the years.
Let us refresh your memory and start the journey back to where it all began. And even if you don't like it - let's be clear - you both got with each other based on looks. Everything else came after. And that idea still lives and holds strong. With that in mind, lets explore five reasons why your looks matter … and in fact, they matter a lot.
Lack of physical attraction affects your sexual attraction
When you’re sexually attracted to someone, there are a plethora of reasons why it happens. It’s certainly more than just looks. But the sexual interest intensifies and builds the moment you find someone physically attractive. So, if you’re laying around in sweatpants every night, you can bet his level of attraction to you is dwindling fast.
The importance of physical attraction becomes mainstream when your sexual appetite is decreased. Some couples who have been together for over 15 years, and some only 5 years with children, find that their attraction towards one another has reduced to a peck on the cheek. And while many things in our daily lives can play a role in reduced sexual desire, physical attraction is one of the top three.
You’ll notice when two people are physically attracted to one another, they won’t be able to keep their hands off each other. There is a magnetism that can’t be denied. And if there’s a lack of physical attraction, then the interest in your sexual partner slowly fades, resulting in poor sex, less sex or even no sex at all. When this happens, both partners (or just one) start looking for attraction, affection, and love outside of the relationship.
When you're in a relationship, it's important that you have the undivided attention of your partner, so when this changes, it impacts various other areas of your relationship, as well. Things that never were an issue, may now be highlighted because you're no longer having a sexual connection. You may now notice more of your partner's imperfect personality traits, or you could be focused on sex differences, both of which can have a negative impact on your relationship. Overall, the interpersonal attraction between both of you may decline. When all of these are combined it can send the relationship spiraling into a bad space.
No physical attraction leads to a lack of respect
We know it’s hard to read, but when there’s a lack of attraction towards your partner, there will be a lack of affection, and when that happens, respect between two partners diminishes. In a relationship, self-care is just as important as care for your partner. The commitment to a loving relationship, includes a personal contribution to the physical and sexual aspects of that relationship. Without it, respect is lost.
Respect has an overwhelming effect on any relationship. It demonstrates the feeling of deep admiration for your partner elicited by his/her abilities, qualities, or achievements. Without having this in a relationship, you'll quickly notice an erosion from the inside-out. This can be seen through speech, everyday actions and sly body language such as reduced eye contact or focus. As your relationship grows, you'll also develop evolutionary perspectives that value your physical attraction as part of your overall sexual chemistry. You'll both understand that your relationship is changing, but change doesn't intend a lack of sex or respect.
For your own self-confidence
When it comes to the importance of physical attraction, self-confidence plays a huge role in keeping your sex life fun and engaging. And it’s true what people say -- when you look good, you feel good. You are confident. This is a fundamental part of who we innately are and how we naturally think. Confidence brings vibrance and excitement, activating more risqué behavior and keeping your sex life out of the gutter and into the fast lane.
Your self-confidence is affected by many things, some of which involve your partner and some that don't. For instance, an outside factor, such as a friend, can boost your self-confidence with a kind compliment. Conversely, someone you don't know could say something rude and completely throw off your game. When it comes to mate preferences between you and your partner, it's actually rather simple. He got with her because she's sexy to him. She got with him because he's sexy to her. After that, the romantic relationship developed. But it started with an attractive face, body shape and overall physical appeal. Like I said, visuals represent 95% of the attraction.
Most people need that ‘spark’
Most of us look for a good appearance to be physically attracted to our partners because need that initial ‘spark.’ We want that raw, passionate, animal sex that is innate to human behavior. There’s no getting around it … the spark only comes with undeniable physical attraction that builds into sexual chemistry, giving us just what we need.
And while I'm mentioning the 'initial spark,' I should also be saying the 'eternal spark.' You may get older, but the need doesn't change. You have to continually feed your relationship, finding ways to reignite your spark and keep passion alive. Your physical appearance was the sole determinant in your initial interaction and attraction, so it stands to reason that it will continue to play a leading role in creating your eternal spark as a couple. While you both maintain individual differences as to what those positive qualities are, it's crucial to recognize that they exist. Continuing to feed these aspects is what will give you a transformational sex life throughout the years ... one that you'll both be truly proud of and happy to brag about.
Remember … It’s instinctive
How long did it take you to feel physically attracted to your sexual partner?
It is said that people take fewer than two minutes to figure out if they’re attracted to someone. That may not be love at first sight, but it is attraction at first sight. We look at the body shape of a potential mate, hip ratio, facial features and facial symmetry, how they smile, if they make eye contact, etc. … these are just some of the things we are programmed to catch onto in just a quick look. But as the saying goes, 'beauty is in the eye of the beholder.' And as the beholder, your mind decides in a matter of seconds, if the person standing in front of you has the physical traits required to provide that instant sexual desire. Even with gender differences, we all focus on similar types of things, making the attraction instant, and predictable in many cases.
It's also worth mentioning that social status can play a role in your instant attraction. Social status is often identified in someone's physical appearance, so while it's an outlying factor, it still affects how you instinctively perceive a potential mate. For example, you may consider someone of the opposite sex more appealing if his/her social status demonstrates more money to dress better, have high-end possessions, etc. These components could increase your physical attraction as your senses take in the possibilities of status. Again, this is determined in mere moments of time.
Physical Attraction + Your Relationship
Let’s consider your relationship. Whether it’s new or 10+ years old, you should understand that the importance of physical attraction never declines, even in a long-term relationship. What that attraction is, and the individual differences we all have, changes as your romantic relationship advances. However, it’s up to you to devote time and effort to creating and developing an unbreakable physical attraction that can empower your relationship. The attraction you feel gives you a connection, strengthens your bond, and sets you apart from other potential partners.
You can prioritize physical attraction in your relationship by doing a few simple things. Check out a few ideas below:
Make the time for physical exercise.
Many couples workout together, so that they continue to share time and space, but also get to focus on staying in shape and staying healthy. If you can't do that, take turns. One night you workout and the next night, your partner does. Or do it before the kids wake up in the morning. We know it's one more thing to add to your busy day, but when you get down to it, physical attraction is crucial. It's worth the time.
Dress thoughtfully.
Put thought into what you wear. Using clothes and hairstyles to highlight your body shape and facial features is a great way to continue to bring awareness to sexual desire and attraction. Think about when you can wear what, how to wear it, and the accessories that can amp up the look. Don't stay in your sweats all day, even with kids. Put in the effort to not only get dressed but get dressed so good your partner can't stop looking. Incorporate this with some killer body language and you’ll be set.
Compliment each other.
Staying physically attracted has two components ... your physical appearance and being noticed. If you put in the energy and effort, yet it always goes unnoticed, you won't continue. To help each other stay motivated, compliment each other, give an extra kiss, squeeze and touch each other. All these actions signal acknowledgement and appreciation for the sex appeal. It will also keep both of you committed to creating eye candy for the other.
Just be honest.
If your partner is off track - no big deal! You're in a devoted, romantic relationship that requires trust and truth. You can have a respectful conversation that will let your partner know that you care, and it matters. Check in with each other regularly, and if you're veering off track, tell one another. Early and open communication is essential, and from there, the fix is easy!
Let's bring it all together
Ask yourself the hard questions … are you still physically attracted to your partner? If your answer is no, maybe it’s time to breathe new life into your relationship. Communicate and understand why it's so important to the longevity of your relationship. It doesn't just matter now. It can cripple both of you in the future.
Also remember that it's easy to bring back together. When you're in it to win it, physical attraction can last forever, and that spark will never burn out.
Attraction is the first step - take it!