Reconnect, Rekindle and Reignite Your Marriage
Falling in love is easy as pie; initially, everything comes easy; the sex is hot and lustful; each one of you is eagerly scanning the smartphone for the next surprise message. But all relationships change over time. Some for the better and some for the worse.
But what creates a loss of “the spark?” There is no one single answer to explain relationship burnout, but in most cases, it is simply emotional exhaustion. During the early phase of the relationship, you may have missed the ‘red flags’ or developed unrealistic expectations and later this often leads to disillusionment. Sometimes, it's not this at all. Sometimes it's purely life itself and opposite growth directions that cause this disconnect.
But the good thing is that this can be fixed. If both of you have the same goals, then it is possible and easy to learn how to reconnect with your spouse. The truth is, there are various ways to reconnect. Some are rather simple and some more advanced. The goal is to work through your options and determine what's best for you and your spouse. Some things that worked the last time you disconnected may not work anymore. The things that cause us to drift apart change over time, just as we do.
In order to make relationships last and thrive, couples must constantly interact and understand the other's needs. This helps make changes simpler, and easier for adjustment. Then, instead of drifting apart, you will find yourselves drifting together in the exact direction you desire.
Now ... enough with the smooth talking, let's get down to business. If you're not connected, you're not having sex. It's that simple. If you're not having sex, you are awesome roommates. Congrats! If you're living like roommates, you may want to consider an open relationship. Just sayin ...
It may be hard to read this, but let's face it - you're here because clearly, you want these things. Let's talk about how you get there.
If your relationship is in a rut, and you've fallen out of that newlywed phase, we have some tips on how to rekindle a marriage:
Open up.
The first step in learning how to rekindle a marriage is to open up. Be the conversation starter. Do not keep all your anger, frustration and resentment bottled up as it will only make things worse. Share your emotions, even things that you are uncomfortable with, including things that may adversely impact your partner’s judgment of you. If you are having such strong emotions, chances are your partner is also filled with similar sentiments and opening up will free your mind. Communication is hands down, the best way to rekindle a dying relationship. By getting to know how your partner feels, you can remedy your ways to improve on the negatives and bring back the smile. For most of you, unless there has been substantial degradation in the relationship, your initial feelings of love and devotion still exist. Communication helps you find true emotional intimacy with your partner, giving you confidence that the relationship can be rekindled.
Stop worrying about the small stuff.
Have you ever heard the saying, 'Don't sweat the small stuff?' Well, here it is - plain as day. Frequently, during the initial phase of a relationship, one can easily miss red flags in the other person. For example, perhaps you don’t like clothes thrown on the floor at bedtime or maybe you prefer to sleep on the right side of the bed. But because of the love bug, you may have let these small obsessions slide. Now that you are in a long-term relationship, your partner may want to sleep on the right side of the bed and leave their clothes anywhere; these things start to bug you and it may lead to arguments. The point is that everyone has idiosyncratic behavior which can be annoying, but it is important to be tolerant - there must be a little sacrifice from both sides, or you may never have a long-term healthy relationship. So, don’t sweat the small stuff. As a married couple, focus on how to reconnect with each other, bypassing your minor differences. Remind yourself what is truly critical in your relationship. If you can let it go, then please do. Save yourself and your partner the headaches of hashing through every small infraction.
Unplug the Smartphone.
Today, our smartphones have replaced the need for a physical companion, and this is one of the most common causes of dysfunction in a relationship. Millions of people carry their smartphones everywhere and even sleep with them - these individuals would rather be texting and watching videos on their phones than talking to their partners - and of course, this is unlikely to make the relationship any better. Therefore, if you want to focus on how to reconnect with your spouse, take a break from the smartphone and talk to your partner instead. This is a simple thing that will give your relationship the focus it needs. When you start being present with each other, you'll be surprised at how many things you can learn, and just how simple it is to get your relationship back on track. Smartphones are not smart for relationships, so stick it back I your pocket, leave it in the other room or hide it under a pillow. Do whatever it takes to be present and share the moment.
Listen.
When there are differences in a relationship, a common feature often seen in both partners is venting with frustration and anger. While it is important to decompress, partners must take a time out and listen to what the other one is saying. Only by listening will you be able to tell what is bothering your partner. Everything should not be about you - there are times when it is important to be quiet and listen to the other person. Rather than shutting down, become responsive. This is a big part of learning how to rekindle a marriage. You can quickly improve your mental health by dealing with frustrations head on. When you listen and actively respond to the matter at hand, staying on topic and without placing blame, you can directly handle anything that comes your way. Also, disagreements and frustrations don't have to be viewed as negative arguments. They are really just personal perspectives in a healthy relationship. In fact, we encourage couples to use these moments of frustration as conversation starters over a romantic dinner. When you're calm, physically close, and mentally present, these moments can actually encourage a stronger emotional connection. There's a great strength that comes from positively handling conflict, uncertainties and insecurities.
Show some appreciation.
Very often in a long-term relationship, partners get used to each other and start to do things separately. Unfortunately, even when one partner tries to do something nice like dressing up, baking a delicious chocolate cheesecake, or cleaning up the basement, there is never a word of appreciation from the other partner. You feel disconnected and before you know it, your living situation is more like roommates than hot lovers. To make the relationship work, it is important to show some gratitude and appreciation. The easiest path for learning how to rekindle a marriage is to show verbal appreciation - it is free and effortless. You can even develop creative ways to do this, such as, leaving a love note for your partner or sending them a sweet text message. Any outward show of appreciation will be felt. And to be honest, when you don't get some outward expression of gratitude, you'll be discouraged from doing further kind gestures. Feel free to express this to your partner. Let him/her know when you require feedback. It's a two-way street!
Speak the language of love & sex.
It is important to understand your partner’s love needs. Some individuals get turned on by holding hands or a cuddle on the couch, others like to be spanked on the butt, and others may like naughty things whispered in their ears. The more you speak the language of love, the more your partner will realize that you are thinking about him or her; and will respond mutually. Not knowing the love language is one of the major causes of poor performance in the bedroom. It’s really about understanding your partner’s sexual languages, which only comes from a strong mental connection that gives you long-term insight. If you utilize love languages when you focus on how to reconnect with your spouse, you’ll quickly find a revived sexual connection. It’s important to learn who your partner is and what makes his/her mind sexually interested. Understanding love languages in the bedroom is a key component of rekindling mentally and sexually.
Start the show again.
One of the best ways to rekindle your marriage is to restart the dating process. Do what you used to do at the beginning of the relationship. Think of everything that got you together in the first place. Be spontaneous, come up with a date night surprise, go dancing and kissing under the moonlight. You can revive the memories that once made you inseparable and soon you will both be dying to be in each other’s arms. Also, think about this from the opposite perspective. You can get in touch with the past, but also create a unique vision for the present and future. Despite any hard times, when you find something new to do together and simple ways to experience life, a special connection is born. Remember what we talked about earlier ... change is inevitable in your relationship, so reminiscing and recreating will only get you so far. Now, you're different people with different goals and dreams. Start making those dreams together, including your private intimate time. Getting out of the roommate phase requires you to build experiences that you both want. This is what will build your romantic relationship and give you the ability to improve your overall Sex Life. Don't start just any show, start the show you want to be the star of ... preferably in hot lingerie after cuddling at dinner.
Finally, call a timeout.
Granted, sometimes everything you try, doesn't work; no matter what you do is not good enough or fails to increase your love, passion and sexual desire. In such scenarios, call a timeout and speak to your partner to ensure both of you are committed. Your sex life can only be improved when you're both focused on getting your emotional connection back on track. Utilizing a couples therapist can also help you bridge your conversations and open new discussions. We understand that some topics may be more difficult to broach, so do what you need to in order to reach your goals.
And while it might sound crazy, sometimes all it takes it just one night of great sex. Sometimes, in one encounter, you can remember all that was lost. Maybe verbal communication is overrated and all you really need is an amazing orgasm. We've seen it happen, so don't run it out.
Lastly, it's important to note, reconnecting a long-term romantic relationship for married couples requires two people to make it work. It also requires energy and dedication. For some couples, rekindling may come easy but for most people, just like you need exercise to lose weight, rekindling a marriage takes effort. There will always be hiccups along the road to Nirvana but the important thing to remember is that you respect each other, and you want your love and sexual passion to last forever. During your journey, it will take time to fully understand how to reconnect with your spouse, but if you’re both willing, it’s not only possible, it can be even better than it was the first time. Just keep going and celebrate your wins as you achieve new levels of communication, sexual pleasure and affection. Those wins, as small as they may seem, are what keep the passion burning.